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Thursday, April 30, 2009
Eight Words with at least two Meanings
1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female..... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
Chimp.... A highly developed primate with a too much web access.
2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female .... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male .... Playing football without a cup.
3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female ... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male ... Leaving a note before taking off to a strip-bar.
4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male ......Trying not to hit on other women while out with one.
5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male ..... Anything that can be done without clothing while drinking beer.
6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-Iens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing by product of indigestion.
Male .... A source of entertainment, self-expression and male
bonding.
7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female .....The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can
achieve.
Male .... Call it whatever you want, just as long as get on with it (there's a game coming on soon).
8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-frohl) n.
Female .... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male ... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 to 8 seconds.
BREAKING NEWS
Earth No Longer a Planet?
It’s been many months since Pluto was downgraded from an official planet to a dwarf planet, but the controversial decision apparently was just the beginning. Yesterday, the International Astronomical Union (IAU) released a new list of astronomical changes that will likely be even more controversial than the Pluto decision.
The list of changes include Saturn being downgraded to a “weird thing with rings”, Uranus being renamed to Urpenis, and Earth being downgraded to debris.
Earth being downgraded to debris is apparently due to the fact that the makeup of Earth’s atmosphere and mass is now largely human waste and other such garbage. According to IAU’s complex algorithms, the increase of waste now forces them to designate Earth as merely debris. Many religious spokespersons have spoken out against the change as it largely undermines the foundations most religions are based on.
Former President Bush has made a statement urging the IAU to come up with new algorithms that will allow Earth to remain a planet and has said he’ll use “any means necessary” to make sure it happens. He’s also suggested that the new definition could perhaps be due to a connection between the IAU and al-Qaeda.
It’s been many months since Pluto was downgraded from an official planet to a dwarf planet, but the controversial decision apparently was just the beginning. Yesterday, the International Astronomical Union (IAU) released a new list of astronomical changes that will likely be even more controversial than the Pluto decision.
The list of changes include Saturn being downgraded to a “weird thing with rings”, Uranus being renamed to Urpenis, and Earth being downgraded to debris.
Earth being downgraded to debris is apparently due to the fact that the makeup of Earth’s atmosphere and mass is now largely human waste and other such garbage. According to IAU’s complex algorithms, the increase of waste now forces them to designate Earth as merely debris. Many religious spokespersons have spoken out against the change as it largely undermines the foundations most religions are based on.
Former President Bush has made a statement urging the IAU to come up with new algorithms that will allow Earth to remain a planet and has said he’ll use “any means necessary” to make sure it happens. He’s also suggested that the new definition could perhaps be due to a connection between the IAU and al-Qaeda.
Tuesday, April 28, 2009
Video 4 Today
A shout out to Ms Martie who selflessly emailed this gem to us!
Thanks
And just a note: We haven't forgotten the importance of the
recent outbreak of swine flu
WE WILL BE REPORTING ON IT VERY SOON
STAY TUNED
THERE ARE NEW SONGS IN THE PLAYLIST
(FINALLY)
Monday, April 27, 2009
Sunday, April 26, 2009
As seen on TV
WARNING:
CLICKING ON ANY OF THE ABOVE IMAGES MIGHT JUST MAKE
THEM LAST LONGER AND LOOK BIGGER!!!
Saturday, April 25, 2009
Dear Uncle Tony .......
Dear Uncle TONY,
One December day my husband and I found an old straggly cat at our door.
She was a sorry sight. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny, and hair
all matted down. We felt sorry for her. So we put her in a carrier and took her to
the vet. We didn't know what to call her so we named her "Pussycat."
The vet decided to keep her for a day or so. He said he would let
us know when we could come and get her.
My husband (the complainer) said, "OK, but don't forget to wash
her, she stinks." He reminded the vet that it was his WIFE (me)
that wanted the dirty cat, not him.
My husband and my Vet don't see eye to eye. The vet calls my
husband 'El-Cheap-O', and my husband calls the vet 'El-Charge-O'.
They love to hate each other and constantly 'snipe' at one another,
with my husband getting in the last word on this particular occasion.
The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, who
is located in the same building, next door to the vet.
The MD's waiting room and office was full of people waiting to
see the doctor. A side door opened and the vet leaned in - he
had obviously seen my husband arrive.
He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice said, "Your
wife's pussy doesn't stink any more. We washed and shaved it,
and now she smells like a rose. Oh, and, by the way, I think
she's pregnant. God only knows who the father is!" Then he closed
the door.
Name withheld by request
Thanks Flickerman!
One December day my husband and I found an old straggly cat at our door.
She was a sorry sight. Starving, dirty, smelled terrible, skinny, and hair
all matted down. We felt sorry for her. So we put her in a carrier and took her to
the vet. We didn't know what to call her so we named her "Pussycat."
The vet decided to keep her for a day or so. He said he would let
us know when we could come and get her.
My husband (the complainer) said, "OK, but don't forget to wash
her, she stinks." He reminded the vet that it was his WIFE (me)
that wanted the dirty cat, not him.
My husband and my Vet don't see eye to eye. The vet calls my
husband 'El-Cheap-O', and my husband calls the vet 'El-Charge-O'.
They love to hate each other and constantly 'snipe' at one another,
with my husband getting in the last word on this particular occasion.
The next day my husband had an appointment with his doctor, who
is located in the same building, next door to the vet.
The MD's waiting room and office was full of people waiting to
see the doctor. A side door opened and the vet leaned in - he
had obviously seen my husband arrive.
He looked straight at my husband and in a loud voice said, "Your
wife's pussy doesn't stink any more. We washed and shaved it,
and now she smells like a rose. Oh, and, by the way, I think
she's pregnant. God only knows who the father is!" Then he closed
the door.
Name withheld by request
Thanks Flickerman!
Friday, April 24, 2009
Thursday, April 23, 2009
Wednesday, April 22, 2009
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