Having a Shnity Day? Here are some tales to cheer you up!

SHNITY TALES

1) VIRGINITY is like a bubble:
One PRICK and it's GONE

2) A child asked his Mother "Where did mankind come from"?
"Well, God made ADAM and EVE. They had lots of children and
that's pretty much how it all began", she replied.
The next day the child asked his father the same question.
His Dad explained that "many years ago there were monkeys
and mankind simply evolved from them". Now completely
confused the child asked his Mother how is was possible that she
believed mankind was created by GOD when his father believed that
men were the decedents of apes.
"Honey", she replied "I was simply explaining the origin of my side of the family
and your Father was explaining his".

3) Did you know that "I am" is the shortest sentence in the English language?
"I DO" is the longest!

4) The only time POLITICIANS are telling the truth:
When they call each other LIARS!

5) Two drunken Irishmen were in a cemetery each determined to find
the OLDEST person buried there. One of them yelled out," Here's a
fella when he was 145 years old".
"What was his name?" asked the other.
"MILES, FROM DUBLIN"

6) A woman went to a psychiatrist office to discuss a problem she was
experiencing. "I am a NYMPHOMANIAC. Can you help me?"
"YES" he replied "but my fee is $200 an hour".
"OKAY," she said. "How much for ALL NIGHT"?

AND FINALLY

7) For his birthday a little boy had asked his dad for a new
10-speed bicycle. "Son, your mom and I would gladly get you
one", his father said "but the mortgage on our house is
$250,00 and your mother has just lost her job. I'm so sorry
but there is no way we can afford a new bicycle in our current
financial situation". The following day the father noticed his son
heading out the front door with suitcase in hand. "Son, where are
you going?" he asked.
"Last night I was walking past your bedroom and I heard you telling
Mom that you were pulling out. Then I heard Mom tell you to wait
because she was coming too and I'll be damned if I'm staying here
by myself with a $250,000 mortgage and no damn bicycle"!