More -- Posters for shut-ins

Your Testicles and You

A PUBIC CERVIX ANNOUNCEMENT

Shnit 4 Today

Sometimes you can try too hard! And when you find yourself over-extended, stuck in a hopeless situation, there is one very critical thing you should keep in mind.......
Not everyone who shows up......will be there to help you!!!!

R.I.P Dom Deluise

A Message from THINGYS

You see, I have this bad back and I just got out of the hospital today but actually I just went in today so this may not count as an for-real “hospital stay” per say, touché. They asked me where my back hurt the most and with my bestest surprised look I answered: “My back? Jesus Christ lady, I’m here cause one of our pigs sneezed on me”! Oddly enough she found little humor in my response so I had to eventually fess-up and confirm I was actually there for some new sort of back treatment. My understanding of the procedure was that it required the use of carefully placed steroid injections. This meant one of two things; (1) I would no longer pass future baseball physicals and/or, (2) I was about to experience more pain in the gluteus maximus than a gay activist would expect from queer-beaters at the Iwo Jima Memorial. After sitting in an eight by two waiting room for 40 minutes, I was taken to Gestapo headquarters for further interrogation. Did you ever really pay attention to all the questions they ask during your preliminary verbal water-boarding? “When did I last eat cheese?” I figured after scoring low in the opening session all I could hope to do was make up some much-needed ground in the later speed-round when the questions came faster but did not deal with such delicate subject matter. After they secured as much detailed dirt on me as possible I was escorted to another, larger and colder waiting area. This is where they store you while they laugh about your answers. I am quite certain I was passed by no fewer than 400 people while I waited for the next phase to start. There was at least one alien-looking gentleman who seemed more confused than a baby at a topless bar. It attempted to communicate with me but luckily I was wearing my special aluminum party hat which has protected me faithfully for many years. No national secrets were divulged. In a short time a huge black guy wearing bright red hospital scrubs scraped me off my chair and ushered me into a large sterile room that was slightly colder than a hotel ice machine. There was a long narrow table in the middle of the room with a microscopic foam cover dressed in an even more microscopic hospital sheet and a pillow like you get in coach on an airplane. I was instructed to drop my pants and sit on it. “What, no kiss first?”, I asked hoping to break the tension. Now I realized why the temperature was kept at a constant 23 degrees in the room. When your freshly-exposed keister greets the ice-cold table there is little need for further numbing anesthetics. It saves them money which of course they pass along to the patients. NOW I’m awake and seem to be much more alert than before. Next came the part when he attached several items to my left arm; one that apparently inspects your state of manicure on your pinky finger and looks oddly like a clothespin with a headlight. Then there was an extremely wide Velcro strap which periodically tries to squeeze all of the soft tissue out of your arm. Finally another sensor thing that makes noise when you make any effort to move. I assume that this device warned the staff of any escape plans a patient might attempt during the inquisition. It didn't matter anymore as I was frozen to the table by then. Even if I had managed some meager attempt to make it to my feet, running down the corridors of the hospital screaming with a frozen bed sheet stuck to my ass while clutching my little airplane pillow had to be much worse than any fate that might await me in the safety of this frozen exam room. I exchanged in some mild chit chat with the technician until the door to the freezer burst open and in walked Doctor Feelgood dressed in pale blue surgical garb with many lines and numbers scribbled in ball point pen all over his sleeves. I wasn't worried now, I was going to die. He went over my chart. Not happy with all the answers he decided to re-grill me on some of the finer points of my recent dairy ingestions. The Velcro of my left arm suddenly began to squeeze me with renewed vigor as if to remind me I was under oath. That’s when I spilled my guts about Mary Jane Bailey and the lust I had secretly kept for her since the third grade. No longer in control, butt frozen to the table, left arm mangled for life, what was next, Gilligan’s Island reruns? Doc Feelgood announced “this won’t hurt a bit”. That meant little to me as I was fixated on the hypodermic he produced with the seven and a half foot needle. The Doctor carefully filled the entire thing with a creamy colored liquid before disappearing behind me. He was right. It didn’t hurt a bit. It hurt a ton! I thought to myself, it will be okay once the needle came through my stomach and into the technician in front of me who now secured me in a head-lock. Doc took his time to make absolutely certain that all the steroid juice reached its intended target. I tend to exaggerate things under duress but in retrospect I’m certain this took just slightly over an hour to accomplish. During that time I confessed to no less than 9 robberies, 7 hit and runs and the Kennedy Assassination. He finally pulled Excalibur from my back and I took what felt like my last dying breath. The next thing I remember was all three of us laughing and sharing our favorite lacrosse stories. You have to forgive me, I’ve never been dead before and it wasn't exactly what I expected. Several more minutes passes and I realized I hadn’t expired so with as much dignity as I could muster, I asked when my next appointment was.

The End


Regards,

Thingys

Read it HERE first; Thingys Hospitalized

Don't panic YET!

I'm doing okay but it may be a day or two before regular posts continue.

I'm a bit under the weather, a couple of bananas short of a bunch!

STAY TUNED

BBS


thingys

What's New for Shnitheadz this summer?

In the news .......

Shnit 4 Today

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Swine Flu - The game

heyzap.com - embed games

Why did the Chicken?????

And then it exploded .......

CLICK ON ANY IMAGE FOR FULL SIZE VIEW!

So... let's see what's happening today

Shnit 4 Today

CHRYSLER has a Shnity Week

Posters for Shut-ins

Shnit 4 today

DIRECT FROM AN EXCLUSIVE ENGAGEMENT IN MEXICO CITY:

Shnit 4 Today ** SWINE FLU infects TWITTER **

Eight Words with at least two Meanings

1. THINGY (thing-ee) n.
Female..... Any part under a car's hood.
Male..... The strap fastener on a woman's bra.
Chimp.... A highly developed primate with a too much web access.




2. VULNERABLE (vul-ne-ra-bel) adj.
Female .... Fully opening up one's self emotionally to another.
Male .... Playing football without a cup.

3. COMMUNICATION (ko-myoo-ni-kay-shon) n.
Female ... The open sharing of thoughts and feelings with one's partner.
Male ... Leaving a note before taking off to a strip-bar.

4. COMMITMENT (ko-mit-ment) n.
Female.... A desire to get married and raise a family.
Male ......Trying not to hit on other women while out with one.

5. ENTERTAINMENT (en-ter-tayn-ment) n.
Female.... A good movie, concert, play or book.
Male ..... Anything that can be done without clothing while drinking beer.

6. FLATULENCE (flach-u-Iens) n.
Female.... An embarrassing by product of indigestion.
Male .... A source of entertainment, self-expression and male
bonding.

7 MAKING LOVE (may-king luv) n.
Female .....The greatest expression of intimacy a couple can
achieve.
Male .... Call it whatever you want, just as long as get on with it (there's a game coming on soon).


8. REMOTE CONTROL (ri-moht kon-frohl) n.
Female .... A device for changing from one TV channel to another.
Male ... A device for scanning through all 375 channels every 5 to 8 seconds.

You've missed them so much -- how could we continue to deny them? Shnity Gifs are back!

BREAKING NEWS

Earth No Longer a Planet?

It’s been many months since Pluto was downgraded from an official planet to a dwarf planet, but the controversial decision apparently was just the beginning. Yesterday, the International Astronomical Union (IAU) released a new list of astronomical changes that will likely be even more controversial than the Pluto decision.

The list of changes include Saturn being downgraded to a “weird thing with rings”, Uranus being renamed to Urpenis, and Earth being downgraded to debris.

Earth being downgraded to debris is apparently due to the fact that the makeup of Earth’s atmosphere and mass is now largely human waste and other such garbage. According to IAU’s complex algorithms, the increase of waste now forces them to designate Earth as merely debris. Many religious spokespersons have spoken out against the change as it largely undermines the foundations most religions are based on.

Former President Bush has made a statement urging the IAU to come up with new algorithms that will allow Earth to remain a planet and has said he’ll use “any means necessary” to make sure it happens. He’s also suggested that the new definition could perhaps be due to a connection between the IAU and al-Qaeda.

Video 4 Today

A shout out to Ms Martie who selflessly emailed this gem to us!
Thanks






And just a note: We haven't forgotten the importance of the
recent outbreak of swine flu

WE WILL BE REPORTING ON IT VERY SOON
STAY TUNED



THERE ARE NEW SONGS IN THE PLAYLIST
(FINALLY)

Reading is FUNdamental

Today's new Shnit

Shnit 4 Today

The stuff we will never print!